I know it would be wiser to keep this affliction to myself, to make myself appear like the happy and confident writer, but no, I would rather share this weakness of mine in hopes that other writers might read this and know that they’re not alone…
Have you ever been unable to finish a book, or felt hot coals seething in your chest, while reading, because you were jealous at how well it was written? Have you felt even more jealous when reading writing so good only to realize that the writer is close to your own age? (too close for me to use the excuse: Oh, she’s older than me, therefore has had more writing experience then I. I can catch up).
I’ve felt it all.
I know I should be confident about my writing. I know it’s bad to compare myself to other writers. My head knows this all. But my heart continues to writhe. Its not to say that I think my story is bad. I have a healthy dose of pride for TRC. And yet still, I look at other writers, younger, or just a bit older than I, and I think to myself…. there are so many good writers out there, so what difference could my contribution to the literary world do? I start questioning myself, my passion, my ability to write.
So this is what I’ve been struggling with during my week active on Authonomy, trying to promote my work–at first it had been done for fun, but it became a matter of pride later on, to get my story’s ranking higher up.
Jealousy isn’t good. It only gets in the way of my writing. I need to stop being a slave to this sentiment. Does anyone have a cure for this sickness?
Rather than seeing other aspiring writers as rivals, I want to learn how to see them as co-workers, each of them struggling with many of their own writerly afflictions.
So, for anyone who has suffered, or is suffering, from writerly jealousy–please know that you’re not alone. I know how tormenting it feels. I think every writer feels a lack of confidence at times. Always remember though: YOUR MANUSCRIPT KICKS ARSE. Your writing, your voice, is unique.