….is chatoic.

Dear Readers, while you watch this video, pretend the Squire is me.

Today, this was how I felt–fury a la Squire Western [He’s from Tom Jones, a wonderful book btw] 

Everything was going wrong, starting from the moment I woke up [I was dead tired from the night before, rushing through my fifth essay this week to submit before midnight, then catching up on my readings] to when I got dressed [I didn’t know what to wear so took half an hour rummaging through my wardrobe] to when I headed downtown for class [the bus came late and was jam packed, then the subway was delayed for more than ten minutes] to when I rushed to the library to print out my essay [all the computers were being used on the first floor, so I had to run around the library looking for any computer use], to when I printed that essay out [the essay formatting was all messed up], to when I ran to lecture [I was half an hour late], to when I tried to hand my essay in after class [the prof said I had to hand it in to my T.A. who wasn’t to be seen], to when I tried looking for her [I peeked into each tutorial room but couldn’t find her], and then finally, to when I decided to read over my essay one more time [my essay was the non pareil of an epic fail].

So, at the end of this all, I sat down in the park for half an hour before my next class, completely exhausted, frustrated, and angry. But then, after glaring down at my lap for a minute, I looked up and observed the nature around me. Dry yellow, brown, red leaves blanketed the grass. Leaves, caught by the wind, drifted off their branches and danced around me. The air was crisp. The sun warmed the cold earth. I remembered a passage from my writing, inspired from reading The Notebooks of Leonardo da Vinci:

Her mind, as a painter once put it, became a mirror, taking the colour and images of the objects it reflected. There was no longer any room for self-pity in the grandeur around her.

After taking some time to breathe and reflect, I reminded myself that university is not the be all end all and that the reason why I’m in university is to learn, to fill my head with knowledge, so that it might add more depth to my novel-writing. And I am learning. So, whatever the outcome, as long as I do my best, I’ve accomplished the purpose of why I’m where I am.

But truly, there are some days when you wake up, and you just know it’ll all spiral down from there. That’s why I think it’s so important to take a moment and reflect–because upon reflection, I realize that the hardship of my day is contained all within my head. And, in the end, the gratefulness and joy for just being alive outweigh the troubles of the present.